Gazillionth Toilet Catastrophe

Nothing quite pisses me off than this. First thing in the morning,I grab the newspaper...and highly lethargic and groggy-eyed hit the John.
Everything's going well......until you turn on the faucet...you think water's gonna come out from where you think it will,but hey presto..you've regulated it the wrong way..and shower's turned on.
First you get all drenched ( cold water's KILLIN' )..and then you try to curb the tragedy by putting up the paper above your head.
Needless to say,the rest of your day is highly parent-abused as a result of the latter!